Do you remember you?
by TheRealRogue
Summary: ROMY. Rogue and Remy have been apart for two years. He decides to go and find her, but how much has she changed during this time? Is she even in control of her life?
1. Chapter 1: Things change

Disclaimer: Don't own them

Disclaimer: Don't own them!

Chapter 1: Things change.

"_I didn'__t b'lieve it when dey first told me. Or instead, didn't want t' b'lieve it. It was so unlike y', _chere_, so different from de Rogue I met an' fell in love with. _

_Dey said dey've seen y' 'bout two or three times in dis last couple of years, when dey came an' tried t' take y' with dem. But sure stubborn Rogue would never accept she needs help. _Mais,_ don't worry; it's never bee any easier for me either. Y' remember dat, don't y'?_

_Dey said y' do nothin' but wanderin' around, dat y' wouldn't abandon a bar t' save yer life, dat y' won't stop drinkin', dat y're in plain trouble. _Ma belle cherie_, de only person I've ever cared 'bout in my entire life, with rings under her eyes an' scars in her forearms? Goin' through all of dis, an' I swear I don't understand why. Why, _chere_? Did y' forget 'bout y'self...?"_

Remy slowed down his car, looking out the window and up to line of old grey buildings. It had to be around here.

Now that he was maybe only a few minutes from seeing her again, his heart felt so heavy it almost ached. How could he spend all this time away from her? He always tried to pretend he had moved on, and that she was just a nice memory from a part of his life when things seemed right. In spite of he never held her hands without gloves, and there was always a thin fabric between their lips in the very few times they had kissed, he wished he could bring back those days when they spent so much time together, back at the mansion, when he was an X-Man. True, there were hard times too, but…

"But…" Remy sighed, parking in front of a building, whose color wasn't easy to define.

All the reasons he used to give himself now seemed completely absurd and stupid. Why did he wait so long? Why did he ever leave, to begin with?

Right after crossing the entrance door, he found himself in a small lobby with ochre colored walls; it was so gloomy it seemed it was night already by the sight of it. He was about to take the first hallway that led to the apartment doors when suddenly, someone appeared out of the closest door to him.

"What you looking for?" asked the old man dressed in overalls. The man didn't once look at Remy directly. He was more focused on pouring some washing liquid on the floor that originally rested in an old rusty can.

"_Bon soir,"_ he inquired. "I'm lookin' for a girl named Rogue. Y' know her?"

"Rogue?" the man frowned and picked up his sponge to scrub the floor: "Never heard of someone with such name."

"_Oui,_ she's…" He thought for a moment. How did she look now after so long? "She's got green eyes, auburn hair wit' some white strands…" He simply voiced how he remembered her, and it brought a smile to his face.

"Oh! Yeah," the man said as if a light bulb came on in his mind. "Yeah, that girl..." He gave Remy a questioning look. "And you are…?"

He wasn't too sure anymore of who he was, because time had stopped for him ever since he decided to forget about her. "De name's Remy," he said, trying to give as little detail as possible. "I'm friends wit' her."

"Sure you are," the old man said, beaming oddly. There seemed to be a bit of suspicion in his voice. "I hope you're here to pay the bill, buddy." Remy looked at him curiously. The man hesitated for a moment. "Second floor, fifth door to the left."

"_Merci_." He had turned his back to the janitor already to run to the apartment, when he heard his voice again.

"She's not there right now."

This was kind of a relief on Remy's part; it would give him some extra time to think about what he was going to say.

"Don't y' know when she comin' back?" he asked, feeling disappointed too, because part of him couldn't wait to see her, but part was afraid to. What was he going to say to her, and what would she say to him?

"No, sir," said the janitor. He seemed uninterested in Remy's dilemma.

"What time she leave?"

The man added a little more soap on a specific dirty spot: "Saw her leaving last night, but she hasn't returned since then."

With this information, he resumed his walk to the apartment. The hall was so narrow three people wouldn't have been able to walk through it side by side at the same time. There was very little illumination, and the only light that filtered in came from a dusty glass window at the very bottom. Remy looked out of it, but he could only see an alley and another building just as drab as this one.

Instinctively, he pulled out a deck of cards but just as everything else did, it reminded him of her. He remembered that time they went to sleep at 6 in the morning, after spending the whole night playing poker, teasing each other and pigging out on potato chips in the kitchen of the mansion. Was that Rogue the same one that now lived in this murky place?

One or two people passed him in the hallway, and one or two came in or out of other apartments. Not one person even acknowledged his presence. Almost an hour had already gone by. That's when he noticed a familiar figure emerge from the stairs.

He couldn't move or say anything at the beginning. He just stared at her as she walked like in slow motion towards her door. He had imagined this moment so many times, and the more he thought about it the clearer he could see her in his mind. Now she was right here, but not the way he pictured her. Her once loose hair was now held up with a hairpin.

She hadn't noticed him standing there at first. She was too preoccupied with a bag of groceries on one arm and her purse on the other. She was now standing by the door rummaging through her purse with her free hand until she finally found the key.

"_Chere_…?"

Rogue froze. He could see in her face a whole bunch of memories hitting her at once; memories they shared together from so long ago. She abruptly turned to see him, and their eyes met. It was like an internal shock for him. Her eyes, that all he could see. They were still the same, but… different. There was a different kind of sadness in them now, and her face looked so pale without make-up.

"Wow, this is… unexpected," she huffed, while turning back to the door and twisting the key in the lock, but not without a little effort: "To what do ah owe the pleasure?" Her voice was hostile, but he expected that.

Remy could always read people very well, and in her even more so. If she was to start it up with that little old sarcasm, he wouldn't do less but not because he wanted to. It'd just help him to get closer to her, or so he thought.

"Dunno," he said, trying to answer her question. "Christmas, mebbe?"

"Oh, ain't that sweet?" She finally pushed the door open and smiled awkwardly. "Happy holidays then, an' good bye."

"Wait," Remy said and held onto the door before she was able to slam it closed. God, he hadn't been so close from her in ages. He had almost forgotten the way her presence intoxicated him. "Can we talk?"

"We're talkin' now," she shot at him.

"Bien. Can I come in?"

She refused to look at him.

"Nah," she said, trying to close the door again, but he wouldn't let her.

"_Chere_, please," he pleaded, and she finally looked into his eyes. "Just give me a few minutes. Or y're too busy?" he gazed over her shoulder at her small living room.

Rogue stared at him for an instant and waved away from her face some white strands. "What do yah want, Remy?" She seemed so tired when saying this.

What did he really want? He just wanted to know that everything they said about her wasn't true.

"Just t' talk," he said. He hesitated for a moment and then added, "For now."

"If ah let yah in yah won't wanna leave, an' ah have to go out in 'bout… ah don't know, ten minutes."

"Ten minutes, den," he said. He could tell she was trying to make an excuse to get rid of him, but he wasn't going to let her.

She narrowed her eyes and scrutinized him. She could find no way out of it, so she relented and let him in.

"Whatever."

He followed her in and closed the door behind him. It wasn't just the living room that surprised him. This was actually the whole apartment, simply a single room and a door on a side that probably led to the bathroom. The bedcover was green which was the only splash of color in the room. Besides that, everything else was made of wood or colored white or gray.

"Make yahself comfortable," she said, not looking at him, while placing the bag on a table next to three or four glasses and cans. He saw her taking her scarf off as he sat on the coach. Either she was a great actress, or she didn't really give a damn about his presence.

This place didn't look like her at all. He wondered where were all the books she used to have back at the mansion. There were no pictures either, and it didn't smell like lilies and flowers, or whatever delicious thing she used to smell like. There were only a few magazines lying on the floor in a corner, and an ashtray was the only decoration on the little table in front of him.

"So…" she sighed, sitting next to him and lighting on a cigarette at the same time. "How's the weather today?"

"Y' smoke now, _hein_?" he asked, surprised. "Y' used t' say dose t'ings would kill me."

"Yeah…" she breathed in. "But they haven't so far, right? So they can't be that bad. Besides… things change."

"How much, Rogue?" There was tenderness in his voice; it broke his heart to see her like this. "How much dey've changed?"

She looked away now, exhaling some smoke. "What yah mean?"

"Dunno,_ cherie_, y' tell me," he said, but she still refused to look at him. She only did this when she was trying to hide her feelings, not that she could hide anything from him anyway. "What y've been doin' lately? Y're workin'… what're y'…?"

"If yah came to play the cop an' interrogate me, please, ah've seen it enough with the others." He had made her angry when that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Really?" was all he could say. He was dying to ask her why she left the Institute, and why she didn't come back as soon as possible. He knew that if he did he'd be kicked out of the place in a second. He had to give it some time first. "So… y' said y' had to go out. Where to? Can I join y'?"

She laughed, leaning back on the couch.

"Nah, yah can't," she put out her cigarette and immediately took another one out of the pack and lit it. "An' why don't yah let me ask the questions, just for a change, huh?"

"_D'accord_," he said, trying to comply with her wishes. He plainly saw the sadness in her eyes. He felt it too. "I've missed that. Haven't y'?"

Rogue pretended she didn't hear that, just leaning her neck back and staring at the smoke that made circles up to the ceiling.

"Just outta curiosity, not like ah care or anythin', but what have yah been doin', besides pick pocketin', of course?"

That was when he could name and point out one of the differences in her. She was just speaking her mind, not worrying about what he would think about her question. Was this a good thing or a bad thing? He wasn't sure.

"Ahh, dat be Remy's main hobby, an 'y' know it," he said, seeming proud, and then added: "I'm back with the guild, I do some jobs for the family, stuff like dat. Been out of the mutant hero business for a while already."

"Really?" she said, a look of disappointment in her voice. "No more savin' the day stuff, eh? Ah know. It gets kinda old after a while. An'…ahh… yah married, or what?"

"_Moi_?! Y' serious?" It was so weird the way she asked this: the same way you ask it to an old friend. But he thought he wasn't just a friend, was he?

"Hey, things change."

"Not dat much," he said, his voice turning caring again. "Remy still a free man."

"Great," she pronounced this word slowly, making emphasis on each letter. "Good for yah." There was her indifference again. He didn't know what to make of it or of her.

There was an annoying sound coming from the kitchen sink: water drops tapping in the sink from time to time. It was the only thing that could be heard for a few moments.

"Y' done?" Remy asked, breaking the silence: "Can I start with my questions now?"

º"Nah," she said, placing another cigarette in the ashtray: "An' yah better leave now. This is way too much sappiness for one day."

"But I just got here, _chere,"_ he said, a pleading look in his eye. "What… why y' so scared to remember de past?"

She fixated her eyes on his. What if she was? Her mood changed from indifference to angriness. "Get out."

She walked to the door and opened it, standing beside it with her arms crossed over her chest. There was a little bit of that old Rogue's annoyed expression.

"Fine," he said and stood right in front of her: "But don't think y' got rid of me dat easy."

"Nah?" she remarked, obviously growing more angry. "Ah remember ah did that once already." He didn't move, just stood there and scanned her face. "Go away!" she screamed and pushed him out and closed the door.

As Remy went down the stairs, he reran the whole conversation in his mind again, every word of it. It was not what he had expected. Part of him wasn't sure if this was Rogue, or if this woman was just a shadow of the person he once knew.

Note: Ok first of all I gotta say some BIG thanks to my beta, SPARK187; so if you think my English is better here, thank her, not me. I've been having a really nasty writer's block lately with my other two fics, but somehow my mind gave birth to this new idea, and I think I'm gonna be able to put the three chapters together soon. The idea came because of a song named "Laura" by a guy named Ricardo Arjona; have you heard it, Pennylane87? ;-) His songs are really amazing. Btw: I don't mean to say a girl's life would go to hell without a guy; I just wanted to portray a possibility of the things that could happen to Rogue. You know how much we like to mess her up.


	2. Chapter 2: People change

Disclaimer: Don't own them

Disclaimer: Don't own them!

Chapter 2: People change.

_"…'Cause _moi, chere_, I've never forgot y', even if y' might think I did. I think dere wasn't a day when at least one image of y' didn't come t' my head. I pictured y' at de institute, pr'bably cursin' me, but as time passed by, I could guess y' in de danger room, havin' dinner with everyone… dunno, shoppin' with Kitty. How was I t' know y'd left too…? I'm not tryin' t' excuse myself; just wanna let y' know I'm not over y'; I never will, as simple as dat…"_

He wondered what the hell was he doing there, and it was funny to realize the answer was same old stuff: chasing her, wanting to be near her, checking she was okay. She'd probably phrase it differently, though. She'd raise her brows and say he's nothing but a stalker… If only she could see him; if only she'd suddenly raise her gaze from her drink, turn around and meet his eyes, that were fixated on her since he stepped a foot in the bar.

But would she really say that? Weird, but he'd wish she did, because that's the way he remembered her and that's how he wanted her to be still now.

Some slow music started to be played and in a barely illuminated angle of the room, a couple was making out like there was nobody around. Remy took a sip and placed the glass back on the table, drying his moistured fingers with the gloved palm of his hand. Every time the corner of his eye perceived a new person arriving to the place, he glimpsed at the entrance door for a second and couldn't help to wonder if he or she was going to walk towards Rogue; if this girl was her friend, or that guy was interested on her. Did she know any of these people?

But she seemed to be all alone.

"Enough waitin''" he muttered, and made his way through the tables and the partying people.

Luckily, the stool next to her was free, so he sat there. This side of her face was hidden behind some white strands that fell over her cheek, free from the pony tail in the back of her neck; her left elbow rested on the bar, as her right hand played with a cigarette end, pushing it back and forth around the glass.

"Yah'll never quit on bein' a damn stalker, will yah?" she said, not even turning around to see him.

Remy had to laugh on his inside. Okay, the _stalker_ routine began; now he only had to figure out a way to convince her to go back to the institute. It was the hardest part, he knew it; maybe too hard.

"Guess bad habits ain't easy t' get rid off."

He came closer to her and finally could see her drowsy eyes gleaming strangely. He'd never seen her this way.

"_Chere_, why don't y' let me take y' home, _hein_? Y'…"

"Nah" she interrupted him: "Yah're the one that should go home an' leave me alone. Ah'm waitin' for someone."

"Who?!" Remy questioned, surprised at her defiant expression:

"That… stopped bein' yah're business long tahme ago" she said, raising a finger and pinning him in his shoulder with it.

"All right, we can talk 'bout dat later" he continued, trying to keep it cool: "But it be late now, aren't y' sleepy? Come on, let me drive y' home."

"It ain't late… it's only 'bout 11 pm…" she took another sip.

"_Oui_, but_…"_

"Just leave me alone, Gambit! Damn it…"

This felt like a punch in the stomach to him; she hadn't called him that way since ages ago, when he wasn't yet an X-Man, but an Acolyte.

"Who y' waitin' for, eh?" He only received a shrug as an answer: "_Chere_…?"

"Hey, gorgeous."

Remy looked up to see a tall man standing right behind Rogue; he saw him resting his hands on her shoulders and then bending over a little to kiss her.

To kiss her lips.

He didn't know which feeling was the strongest: the one of shock to see someone had just touched her and was still standing on his two feet, or the one that wanted to get this guy's hands off her and push him away, and tell him he had no right to even be near her, near his _chere._

"Is this guy bothering you?" the man asked Rogue.

She opened her mouth to speak, staring into Remy's wide open eyes. What was all this about? Some kind of sick joke?

"Nah…"

"Who are you, eh?" he continued, probably realizing the way the Cajun was staring at her.

"Nobody" she hurried to say.

Remy rubbed his forehead with his two hands, like trying to figure things out, but then he stood up quickly, nodding:

"Dat's right, _homme:_ I'm nobody" and saying this, he left.

He let himself fall in the driver's seat of his car and slammed the door shut. Was he angry with the guy, with Rogue, with himself? Why didn't she tell him anything about her power during all this time? And why, why… why did he ever leave? Was she trying to punish him somehow? And even worst, had she actually moved on? Had she got over him?

He had no idea where to go now, but he needed to get away for a while; so he started the engine and was about to take off when something caught his eye: Rogue and the guy were just exiting the bar. He had to hold her for her not to stumble, until they stopped in front of a car. Remy gripped the steering wheel tightly, making it sparkling red for the fraction of a second, when he saw the man screaming at her and pushing her violently inside the car.

So he followed them, screeching the brakes in every corner. He looked for cigarettes everywhere, in his pockets, in the glove compartment, but he couldn't find a single one that'd help him to calm down. Nothing made any sense, and everything seemed so far away from the past, that he just wanted to turn back time and change things somehow, anyhow.

It was easy to keep track of them, because there wasn't too much traffic at this hour, but he still kept some distance; finally, they pulled over and he did too, about a block away. About two long minutes had passed when they got off the car, and he saw the guy putting his arm around her shoulders and leading her somewhere.

"What de f…?" Words stay stuck in his throat when he saw them disappearing behind the entrance door of a hotel.

He felt his chest was about to explode in anger. Maybe he had no right to be or act like a jealous boyfriend or ex-boyfriend for the matter, after all this time, but he didn't give a damn, and it wasn't just that: he'd just seen that idiot treating her wrong. Rogue used to be the kind of girl that didn't take shit from anybody and that was never afraid to stand for herself and fight; so what was all this about? What was wrong with her?

So he jumped off the car and headed to the place; even if she'd send him to hell later on, he had to get her out of there.

"Can I help you?" The clerk, a guy in his twenties, asked the man in the trench coat that stormed in the lobby.

"De two people dat just came in: which room dey are?"

The guy raised a brow mockingly:

"Sorry dude, but I can't tell you that."

"Y' can't?" Remy nodded.

"No; privacy policies, you know?"

"_Non_, I don't know" Remy grabbed the guy by the collar of his t-shirt and pulled him over the check in desk:

"Aghhh! What's up, man?!"

The Cajun pulled out a card, charged it, tossed it and it exploded in the air, in front of the boy's terrified eyes:

"What the hell's that?!"

"Dis…" Remy said, charging another card: "…be what's gonna explode right along with yer face, if y' don't tell me now where did dey go."

Nervously staring at the glowing card and then at his attacker's red orbits, the guy finally had no choice but to tell Remy what he wanted to know; so he let him go and made his way down the hallway.

With every step he took, it became more insane the way everything was so messed up. Because for him, long time ago, a touch of her skin, of her hands even, would have been so precious; and now there she was behind that door, with some prick who was probably kissing her and groping her and… the mere idea made him sick. So he took a deep breathe and charged the door knob, which exploded a few seconds later; then, he pushed the door open and stormed in… right when the guy, who was on top of Rogue, slapped her with the back of his hand.

Turning around, realizing they weren't alone anymore, he jumped off the bed:

"What's your bloody problem, man?!"

Remy glared at him with all the scorn a person is capable of feeling. The man still had his clothes on, not to say the same about Rogue, who was on her jeans and bra; she blinked a few times and finally could focus her stare on Remy. Not even in his worst nightmares he could have pictured a scene like this one happening right in front of his eyes.

"Why don't y' try to hit _me_, _hein_?!" he yelled, lunging at the guy and punching him in the jaw.

Rogue propped herself a little up the bed with her elbows, to see the two men fighting. She could see them, yes, but the meaning of the scene took a few moments to be completely formed in her blurry mind.

"Remy? What're yah doin' here?" she said, a hand placing some strokes of hair behind her ear, but he didn't pay attention; instead, he was dedicated to furiously slam the guy's face against the wall: "Yah gonna kill 'im! Gosh…" she sighed, letting herself fall backwards again.

She wanted to do something, maybe stopping the fight somehow or running away and leave the two of them there to kill each other. But it was like she had no will. And it was pointless: to stay, to leave, to say something or to stay quiet, staring at the ceiling. Everything was the same and there was nothing she could do about it. She heard the other man cursing and whimpering, and noises, but coming from so far away, like images from the past or the future, or of a dream, maybe.

Then the noises stopped with the door being slammed shut. Remy had left the guy leave, not because he didn't want to beat him to death, but because doing so wouldn't solve anything out.

His heavy breathing was the only thing that could be heard in the room when he turned around to see Rogue: pale, wasted, lying there like something useless to the world, and something he never imagined he'd think about her: helpless.

So he approached to the border of the bed, half reluctantly because it hurt so much to see her like this, half determined to get her out of all of this, and make her understand this messy person is not who she really was.

"Rogue?" he sat by her side. He was already tired of tip toeing around her; he had to make her see sense: "Who was dat, ah? Is he yer boyfriend or what? Rogue, look at me!"

Still lying on the bed, she finally turned to see him:

"Nah! Nah… he ain't mah boyfriend or anythin'… he's… some guy… Ah don't know, Ah met 'im… couple days ago…"

Remy frowned in disbelief, but before he could say anything, she continued:

"What, yah think yah're the only one that can go out an' have a little fun?"

"FUN?! Fun, Rogue? I just saw 'im punching y'! Explain me how is dat fun." She looked blankly into space for a few moments; now, she didn't have an argument to refute that: "Come on, lemme see yer face" he placed a hand on her chin to take a look at her left cheek, the one that had been hit little ago. And she stared at him again and cringed, suddenly feeling so embarrassed, and suddenly realizing he was touching her for the first time ever. Why did it have to be this way?

Then she covered her face with her hands and rolled, giving her back at him, praying for everything around to disappear if she wished for it really hard. And Remy saw her shoulders shake because of the sobs she couldn't restrain anymore. There were so many things he'd like to say, but all of them seemed so awkward and out of place.

"_Dieu_…" he finally sighed, trying to brush away the heaviness in his soul: "Come on, let's get outta here."

He picked up her top from the floor and shook her gently by her shoulders, trying so hard not to remember the way he used to think about her unflawed skin.

"Come on" he repeated.

"Nah…" she mumbled, but he made her sit before she could do anything about it. She was still crying and rubbing her face when he handed her top.

"Where's yer coat?"

"Ah?"

"Yer coat, Rogue, where is it?"

"Ah don't know…" she sensed her forehead, which was starting to hurt a lot: "Ah forgot it… in his car, Ah think…"

She glimpsed at him as he took off his coat; his tone of voice was kind of authoritarian, but his eyes seemed just so worried. Then, he helped her up and covered her with the coat, too large for her. Everything was so weird to her, but somewhere inside her mind she remembered the way she used to trust him completely, so she closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder as he led her out of the place. She went like a sleepwalker, feeling strangely overwhelmed by everything that had just happened, but so numb at the same time. With eyes half open, she saw the seat car and let herself fall in.

She didn't want to meet his eyes now, so she just let hers get lost in the streets that passed by and the lights of the night. Resting her right temple against the window glass, she closed her eyes again; she was so tired…

Note: Next chapter: Rogue and Remy finally have a long talk.

Btw, I wanted to say that I know this fic is kinda depressing and I don't know if it's too harsh, but I just felt like writing something like this. If you think I'm messing up their relationship or something like that, that's not my intention, really; I just wanted to explore this situation somehow. Ok? I promise my next fic will be happier; I have it on mind already. So yeah, a review would be nice :-)


	3. Chapter 3: Everything changes

Disclaimer: Don't own them

Disclaimer: Don't own them!

Chapter 3: Everything changes.

"_An' I'm still here, _chere_. As I told y', I'm de same dat chased y' day an' night an' struggled t' earn yer trust. An' I know I lost it when I left but… we've got a chance now, de one we always yearned for, don't y' remember?" _

The hallway seemed even narrower at this hour of the night, so gloomy and lacking of fresh air that you could think the walls were to crush you at any moment. Remy pushed the door open and came in, taking care Rogue's legs wouldn't collide against the door frame; next, he closed the door with his knee, quietly so she wouldn't wake up, and made his way through the room, making a mental map of the place not to stumble across anything as his eyes got used to the darkness.

He thought she felt so light in his arms, and a part of him wanted to keep here just like that a little longer, like it'd keep them from loosing each other once more. But there it was the green bed, outstanding among the grey atmosphere; he placed her there gently, and as her head reached the pillow's soft texture, she stretched and twisted and mumbled something he couldn't figure out, but then stayed quiet again.

With his arms hanging at both sides of him, he just stared at her for a few moments, not knowing exactly what to do now, or even what to think about all of this. It was so contradictory to bring back to his mind the events of the previous hour, and then to see her face, her closed eyes, just as he remembered them from the many times he sneaked in her bedroom in the middle of the night only to watch her generally uneasy sleep, or that time she fell asleep on his shoulder while watching a movie in the living room. Since he saw her arriving with the groceries' bag in the afternoon, this is the closest she'd looked from the way she used to be, from the way he'd imagined her every pointless day during these two years.

But maybe it was only a façade for something that was broken inside of her.

Remy took his coat, which was still wrapped around her, dropped it on a chair and noticed her shoulders shivered slightly in cold; her bare shoulders and arms… was it possible? Only to think about the fact that she could touch now and that he'd had no idea about it, gave him some kind of vertigo. So, as he covered her up to her neck with the bedspread, he couldn't help himself from touching her left eye brow, her cheek, her chin…

That's when Rogue opened her eyes and met his, as everything became a mess of emotions and blurry memories in her mind:

"Remy…"

"Hey…" he whispered, kneeling on the floor besides the bed: "How y' feel?"

She stared blankly for a few seconds before answering:

"Stupid…" There was a glitter of tears in her eyes now: "Why are yah still here?"

The answer to this was more than obvious for him:

"'Cause I'm worried 'bout y', _chere,_ an'..."

But she didn't let him talk no more, placing her hand on his lips:

"No, don't say anythin', shut up…" her eyes were suddenly filled with black mascara tears and one of them started to roll down her cheek: "Just… come here, please…" she moved aside, leaving space for him on the bed, by her side.

How could he question her about her behaviour or about anything, while seeing her pleading green eyes? If this is exactly what he wanted the most: just to hold her and forget about everything else. So he did as she asked, sitting besides her, resting his back against the headboard. And like this was the right and natural place to be for the both of them, like time hadn't gone by at all, like there were no resentments, no regrets and no guilt, she rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes tight so maybe this way she could make all the bad things go away.

They stayed like this for a while. Remy ran his fingers through her hair repeatedly, his stare going from one shadowed corner of the room to another one. He didn't have to be careful not to touch her ears or forehead, and this felt just so weird; because it was good, of course, but… this just wasn't the way things were supposed to happen. Things are supposed to work out for people who love each other; how come everything went to hell, then?

A slight, persistent rain started to pour outside like a murmur.

"Ah'm sorry…" her uneasy voice finally broke the silence.

"_Non, chere_… I'm de one who should apologize. I went a long way away from you, Rogue. Without explainin', without sayin' goodbye" he was determined to say everything he really felt: "An' den I went a long way away from myself, an' what for? To mess up what we had… y' remember, _chere?_ Y' remember how we were?"

She raised her face and straightened a little, staring at him with her misty eyes.

She did remember of course, and only Lord knows how many times she'd tried to forget it.

But she wasn't thinking straight right now. All she could see was his face so close to hers, his eyes, as memories of love and pain stabbed her inside. His face, his lips… so she kissed him.

After a couple of seconds of disbelieve, he cupped her face between his hands and kissed her back, without thinking, only sinking in this moment he thought would never occur. And he even felt a little bit of hope, after years of not knowing the meaning of that word; maybe… maybe things could get better…

Her kiss started to increase in passion, her hands began to caress his chest, her breathing became faster, and he had to open his eyes to make sure what he was sensing was actually happening: she was on top of him.

"_Chere_…" he managed to articulate as she started to eagerly unbutton his shirt: "What are y' doin'?"

"Come on, Remy," she huffed: "Isn't this the only thing yah always wanted?"

He opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him with another fierce kiss; then, she went down to his neck and chest…

"Y' really think so?" he said, but she paid no attention: "Rogue…" she finally raised her view: "Dat's what y' think? Y' think I didn't love y' for y'?"

And he saw it again: that look of bitterness in her eyes that seemed to come right from the bottom of her soul. Then, she jumped off him and sat on the opposite side of the bed, with her back to him.

He could hear her dissimulated sobs and picture her face filled with tears:

"_Chere_…"

"Then WHY did yah leave?!" She burst out at last, standing up to face him: "Why did yah leave me there all alone?"

"I don't know, Rogue, I don't know! 'Cause I'm an idiot, 'cause… I couldn't stand anymore yer lack of hope."

"Mah lack of hope?"

"Yeah! It was always de same: one day y' promised t' trust me, t' trust us, an' den de next entire month y' did nothin' but pushin' me away."

"And yah think Ah had no reasons for it? Yah think it was easy for me to see yah there everyday and play it cool, like nothin' was wrong?"

"I know it wasn't easy," he recognized. "An' dat's another reason why I left."

"Oh Gawd, so it's mah fault now?!" She threw her arms up in the air in frustration.

"_Non_, I don't know whose fault it was, blame it on me if y' want but… I guess I ended up loosin' hope too." It was so hard to say this out loud, but maybe it was the truth and now he realized that was the biggest mistake he'd ever made, and sure he'd made plenty. "How, _chere_? How did y' get t' control yer power? When?"

She tried to sweep away the tears in her face with the back of her hand:

"It doesn't matter."

"But why didn't y' let me know somehow?"

She narrowed her eyes in disbelieve before answering:

"Yeah, now that yah bring it up, maybe Ah shoulda call your thieves' crib and leave a message in the answerin' machine: _Guess what, Remy? Yah can fuck me now._"

"_Dieu, chere,_ don't put it dat way, please." Elbows on his knees and hands holding his forehead, he measured his next words and stood up: "Y' knew I loved y', didn't y'? Y' do, y' know it."

"That was too long ago" she shook her head: "In a whole different life, yah know?"

"_Mais_…"

"Don't yah see it? Things have changed so much."

"But I haven't! I'm de same one dat loved y' to death."

Rogue sighed and raised her brows: "But obviously Ah do have changed, right?"

"Right" he nodded, walking closer to her: "Why didn't y' stay at de mansion, with everyone else?"

"Ah don't know" she shrugged: "Ah wanted to get away, to live a different life and be on mah own for a while, who knows… Ah was so sick of trainin', of Danger Room and missions and crap… Ah ended up hatin' everyone."

"An' y're better off dis way?"

"At least now Ah can do whatever Ah wanna do."

"An' dis is what y' wanna do? T' live here in de middle of nowhere, with no one around who cares 'bout y'…"

"Ah can take care of mahself."

"…an' hookin' up with guys y' don't even know, Rogue? What de hell's dat?"

"Great." Her sarcastic chuckle was so different from the frank and even a little candid snicker he remembered: "Now Ah'm getting' moral lessons from society's model of rectitude. How many, Remy?" She opened the fridge and took a beer bottle; then, after taking a sip, she continued: "How many people did yah sleep with durin' all this time? I don't know, a hundred? Ah can't even top that."

"Don't y' realize what y're doin' with yer life?" he grabbed her by her shoulders, pulling her closer: "Don't y' care 'bout yourself?"

Her stare went lost for a few moments, like a flash of reality suddenly appeared in front of her eyes:

"Ah thought Ah would… once I got rid of mah power. But now Ah don't even know what to do 'bout anythin'."

"But why don't y' go back t' de institute?"

"Nah!" she brushed him away: "Ah don't wanna get back there ever again."

"Den come with me."

She stared at him like she couldn't believe her ears: "Are yah insane?"

"Come with me, listen, we can…"

"After all this time, this is your answer to everythin'? Don't yah understand? Ah don't wanna be with yah or with anyone else."

"_Chere_…"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT…!" Remy saw the bottle being tossed against a wall and shredding to pieces. He stayed there, shocked and motionless, staring at her. She continued: "…ever again. Now get outta here."

"No, no, no," he finally said, trying to put his thoughts together: "Y' need t' calm down for a sec."

"Ah don't need anythin'!"

"Rogue, look at me, listen…" he held her wrists.

"Let me go!"

"Think 'bout it, we can start over an'…"

"Ah don't love yah, Remy! Why would Ah go anywhere with someone Ah don't give a shit about?" She didn't have to ask him to let her go again, since he immediately released her, not because he had planed it but because the woman in front of him seemed a total stranger: "It's been too long, yah know?" she crossed her arms over her chest: "Time helps yah to forget. And drinks. And sex."

Remy ran his fingers through his hair in desperation:

"Dis ain't right… dis ain't y', Rogue."

"It is now, so deal with it. Now leave. Mah damn head's still spinnin', Ah gotta sleep."

He saw her crawling back into her bed, like he wasn't even there anymore. What was the point in staying standing there? So he picked up his coat and left, slamming the door shut behind his back.

Maybe it was too late for them.

(…)

Lying awake, watching the sunlight… she had spent about two hours this way, trying to put together in her mind the pieces of the previous night. Her head ached, one of her cheeks too and she felt so tired, or like she lost a part of herself. Again. Hadn't she lost him before already? Then why this feeling of… rupture?

She rubbed her eyes, leaving remains of black mascara in her fingers, and finally propped herself up. She really needed a cigarette right now, so she took it from a drawer and lightened it on. It was so long since she'd wanted to spit all of those things out, right to his face, and she'd finally done it. She should feel better than this.

After holding her messy hair up in a pony tail, she looked around. He'd been here only hours ago; the most important part of her past had been right by her side, among these four walls. And he was gone again, but what could she expect after everything she said? She said she didn't love him; was that true? She didn't know anymore.

And then, she saw it: a piece of paper on the floor, right in front of the door.

She stood up and walked barefoot towards it; then, picked it up and sat on the couch, knees up to her chest. It was so scary to read it.

"…_Let's forget last night's nonsense talk an' let's just remember de way we knew we were meant t' be, 'cause I still know it…"_

Maybe she shouldn't; maybe she should just forget about this whole thing and move on with her life, or what was left of it.

"…_So… if y' remember how much I loved y', please think 'bout it…" _

It had been painful enough just to be near him, to hear his voice so close, to see the worried and sad look in his face; it wasn't common: she always remembered him teasing at her or with that smirk in his face… so, why should she keep punishing herself by reading this?

"…_If y' remember how y' loved me, come t' N'awlins..."_

He already said all he had to say. She did too. It was over.

"…_I'll be dere, waitin' for de moment y' decide t' be y'self again..."_

She didn't want to cry again, but she couldn't help it… anyway, the paper was turned into a crumbled ball as she went and threw it in the wastepaper basket.

"…_If y' remember y', _chere_, please… don't let yer life become somethin' like mine."_

END.

Quote: _"I went a long way away from you, Rogue. Without explaining. Without saying goodbye. And then I went a long way away from myself."_ X-Men, Nº 204.

Note: Please don't be mad at me! I know it's pretty sad and depressing, but I just wanted to write something like this. There are just so many possibilities with Romy. As I said, my next fic (I'll start it soon) will have a happier mood. Btw, the italics are for Remy's letter, which was displayed during the three chaps, just in case someone has doubts about it. So now, even if you're mad at me, or not, please remember to drop me a review! Thanks so much for reading this; hugs for everyone.


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